I have a master’s degree in biology and I almost always have the same answer to that question, ‘should I go to grad school.’ No. Unless you have a deep yearning to push yourself for no money and no reason other than the struggle of it, don’t. It’s not worth it.
Fantastic writing Lux. I love reading all your shit always. Thank you for sharing and inspiring.
Oh wow. I am coming to terms with the end of my stripping career being on the tip of my tongue and this piece really spoke to me. In fact I left without even clocking in tonight for the second time in a row. As you said, this used to be easy. Thank you for sharing the realness.
Thanks for sharing. You're brave and eloquent. A lot of women would've done whatever it took to get that kind of money. You said, "That's it."
So, this is a two-part comment. First, my own turning point barf story.
I was reading "Pure" by Linda Kay Klein, a book about the deleterious effects of growing up in a churchy, conservative environment. I'd gotten to the chapter on how autoimmune conditions can arise from having been indoctrinated to be "pure" by learning to distrust your body.
I hadn't considered the logic of those early lessons perhaps triggering an autoimmune situation. But when you think about it .... the mind turns the body against itself? Whoa!
As soon as I read about the connection, I went to the bathroom and threw up. TMI coming ...
Even though we eat late, what came out wasn't my dinner. Somehow, what came up wasn't my dinner. What came up managed to bypass dinner. It was like I'd chugged olive oil. The whole purge felt like the physical manifestation of an exorcism.
Part two, grad school.
Many years ago, I went to grad school for an MA in English back when tuition even at a state school wasn't staggeringly expensive.
In contrast, my husband, who just retired from decades working in television production as an engineer, graduated from a two-year, unaccredited tech school for electronics.
TV work--as well as his experience as a maintenance dude in shopping mall anchor store--led to him helping build and then design television production mobile units, aka "TV trucks." He also supervised teams of engineers with advanced Electrical Engineering degrees as they designed studios for a major TV network. He also mentored the highly educated engineers from the big expensive schools.
When he got the lay-off notice in May and word got around, his coworkers wept. He was a walking library of practical knowledge from decades of experience. All with a two-year certificate, not a degree.
I tolerated hell. I can't blame anyone other than myself for allowing it. Fun fact, sleeping alone, on a concrete floor, with no pillow was the best night of my marriage. Stone cold sober, 3a.m. alone sitting on the floor in an unfurnished efficiency , was the least lonely I had felt in twelve years of marriage.
It was after the separation that I stopped puking my guts up multiple times a day.
After this, did you need to search for a new identity? Or you always separated Lux from Lindsay so well you didn’t need to?
I have no puking stories. But I have felt disgusted with myself for all the wrong reasons.
I think the main problem with academia is that it doesn’t teach you to actually do a job. In Spain if your children don’t get a degree it’s like you failed as a parent (yeah, WTF). In Sweden if your children have the confidence to try on different shoes till they find the work that fits them it’s a success. I live in Sweden and I’m never moving back to Spain. But then again, the safety net we enjoy in European countries allows for us to make mistakes, or not mistakes, just find our way.
I have a master’s degree in biology and I almost always have the same answer to that question, ‘should I go to grad school.’ No. Unless you have a deep yearning to push yourself for no money and no reason other than the struggle of it, don’t. It’s not worth it.
Fantastic writing Lux. I love reading all your shit always. Thank you for sharing and inspiring.
Oh wow. I am coming to terms with the end of my stripping career being on the tip of my tongue and this piece really spoke to me. In fact I left without even clocking in tonight for the second time in a row. As you said, this used to be easy. Thank you for sharing the realness.
Thanks for sharing. You're brave and eloquent. A lot of women would've done whatever it took to get that kind of money. You said, "That's it."
So, this is a two-part comment. First, my own turning point barf story.
I was reading "Pure" by Linda Kay Klein, a book about the deleterious effects of growing up in a churchy, conservative environment. I'd gotten to the chapter on how autoimmune conditions can arise from having been indoctrinated to be "pure" by learning to distrust your body.
I hadn't considered the logic of those early lessons perhaps triggering an autoimmune situation. But when you think about it .... the mind turns the body against itself? Whoa!
As soon as I read about the connection, I went to the bathroom and threw up. TMI coming ...
Even though we eat late, what came out wasn't my dinner. Somehow, what came up wasn't my dinner. What came up managed to bypass dinner. It was like I'd chugged olive oil. The whole purge felt like the physical manifestation of an exorcism.
Part two, grad school.
Many years ago, I went to grad school for an MA in English back when tuition even at a state school wasn't staggeringly expensive.
In contrast, my husband, who just retired from decades working in television production as an engineer, graduated from a two-year, unaccredited tech school for electronics.
TV work--as well as his experience as a maintenance dude in shopping mall anchor store--led to him helping build and then design television production mobile units, aka "TV trucks." He also supervised teams of engineers with advanced Electrical Engineering degrees as they designed studios for a major TV network. He also mentored the highly educated engineers from the big expensive schools.
When he got the lay-off notice in May and word got around, his coworkers wept. He was a walking library of practical knowledge from decades of experience. All with a two-year certificate, not a degree.
The interesting folks are the ones who have lived life, the thin-air highs and hellish lows. Time to dream bigger... screenplays.
Marriage... What's to tell?
I tolerated hell. I can't blame anyone other than myself for allowing it. Fun fact, sleeping alone, on a concrete floor, with no pillow was the best night of my marriage. Stone cold sober, 3a.m. alone sitting on the floor in an unfurnished efficiency , was the least lonely I had felt in twelve years of marriage.
It was after the separation that I stopped puking my guts up multiple times a day.
After this, did you need to search for a new identity? Or you always separated Lux from Lindsay so well you didn’t need to?
I have no puking stories. But I have felt disgusted with myself for all the wrong reasons.
I think the main problem with academia is that it doesn’t teach you to actually do a job. In Spain if your children don’t get a degree it’s like you failed as a parent (yeah, WTF). In Sweden if your children have the confidence to try on different shoes till they find the work that fits them it’s a success. I live in Sweden and I’m never moving back to Spain. But then again, the safety net we enjoy in European countries allows for us to make mistakes, or not mistakes, just find our way.
I really enjoy your writing.