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You would like to know 🥰's avatar

I dated a man who was perfection for me. He was wealthy, kind, sweet and loved me, catalyst, he didn’t want kids and I already had one and wanted another.

The biggest choice I made in my life was choosing painfully to end that to pursue the two decade marriage I’m currently in.

My husband was a giant red flag, truly and deeply about the most vile man you could have met but I loved him, yea yea of course 😂 (and yes you have met him lol)

I’ll always love him, but I couldn’t be in love with him. He’s not lost on me, he’s a good friend and I adore his wife.

But he is my lost love, wrong universe, wrong time, wrong era. I didn’t continue that behind the scenes but I did cry in a car breaking that off and explaining I had to do this for me, but I knew it hurt us both.

I’m happy, I have many children, a great job, a great husband and a great home but sometimes I do think about him, or rather about what we would have been if I didn’t behave responsibly that day. (And let’s be real I def didn’t want to be responsible but my anxiety will rip my ass to shreds so I just decided that the mental torment of breaking it off was better than the torment of losing both.

Our past relationship is not spoken about, for I always outlined this person as a friend to everyone. Only his wife knows and she mentioned it once and I asked her never to again. So he is my little secret, even 20 years later. He was the best secret.

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Lindsay Byron's avatar

THIS IS THE JUICIEST SHIT EVER DUDE 💦💦💦

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Rhonda Lane's avatar

Of course, I'm the idiot who signed onto your Substack with my real name and headshot. LOL

I usually tell my deeper truths through fictional situations or dialogue.

Let's see ... crushes on actors went better than my real-life crushes. I didn't get asked out on a date until I was in college. Back then in the Jurassic Period, girls didn't ask guys out.

Not helping my case was I was plain, had an overprotective mother who'd had two nervous breakdowns the entire town talked about, and I routinely smashed all the grading curves, probably out of repressed rage.

During high school sophomore year, I had a crush on a guy who was a junior. I was good at drawing, so I hand-sketched a portrait from his class picture in pencil on typing paper. Getting his eyes right had been a bitch. I erased and re-drew so much I'm surprised the paper didn't rip.

When I finished it, I gave it to him.

I'm trying to remember when and how. The details are so blurry. I probably blocked much of it out.

I remember handing him the sketch, just the sheet of paper with his face looking back at him. Not in a folder or an envelope.

You know how some criminals plan "the perfect crime" don't get around to planning any escape? I hadn't thought through how I would present him my masterpiece.

It turned into something like, "I made a thing. Here. It's yours." In the hallway with all the lockers and commotion of everyone changing class around us.

I think he had some of his guys around him. That may be why I handed it over, booked out, and then consigned all the cringey details to the hazy mists of memory.

I do remember he mumbled a "thank you," but that was it. There was no "Oh, now I see YOU! <3"

He was the son of a bank officer, and I was the daughter of a widow lady entirely capable of producing Stephen King's "Carrie."

The guy also had a thing then for a classmate who was a much more socially acceptable match--a varsity cheerleader--except she wasn't into him. She liked an older guy with a sports car that they rode around in until she had to go away for a few months.

That's what happened in rural America during the Jurassic Period. Girls fell in love, and then they either went away or became teenage brides.

About seven or eight years after that day of high school "ugh," I eventually asked a guy out, a guy I worked with when I worked in TV. I think I took him from someone. We've been married 43 years.

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Lindsay Byron's avatar

Rhonda, you are a beautiful writer with a knack for detail. You had me hooked with this story! That shy girl...wanting connection, but not knowing how...taking a risk, drawing a portrait...my god, how many of us can relate. Thank you for opening up, real photo in the profile pic and all. Means a lot.

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Crystal's avatar

I actually was a “side piece” to another “side piece” and she ended up being my best friend at the time, we had a huge falling out but we eventually made up and we’re friends again. She’s actually together with him and happy

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Lindsay Byron's avatar

A side piece to a side piece! Now that sounds like a story right there!

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Michael Mohr's avatar

The more of your stuff I read, and the more I research you, the more fascinated I become.

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Lindsay Byron's avatar

Thank you so much. I appreciate that a ton.

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Mia Binx's avatar

The whole reason I've started this Substack is to share my story of impossible love. Here's an intro: https://open.substack.com/pub/miabinx/p/the-story-of-you-and-me?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=5j7lvn

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Maria Rose's avatar

I have been both the other woman, and the cheating whore. I was happily drowning in the chaotic oceans of a married man. Deep in “love”. He later became a big Trumpy guy and my pussy never dried up faster. Oh how fickle the heart is

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Aug 2, 2023
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Lindsay Byron's avatar

chills reading this, Bex. I think we discussed some of these feelings that day that you drove me fully across the UK. Such a special experience. Thank you for sharing your complicated origin story with your love. The best stories are messy, at least at the beginning.

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