I could not agree more. That is why I turned my comments off my substack page and am not on social media. If people care enough, they can message me or email me. Some do, some don't like what I write and that is fine. However, any ad hominem bullshit, like the effete NYC writer who called me a "Putin stooge" gets you black balled. If I ever see him again, I will tell him, to his face, just how little I think of him. For better for worse, when I talk shit about people, I prefer to do it to their face. My very prolific friend and author of many novels, Taylor Brown, put it best when asked about his book Wingwalkers, To Brown, Wingwalkers was not just a book about death-defying feats of courage and love, it is also about writing and “what it’s like to write such stories, daring to put one’s heart high on wings for all to see. Oh, to fly into the world of story and imagination, soaring among great cathedrals of cloud, and then to return to the ground—a heartbreak every time. A seeming fall from grace. But we get up, don’t we? We brush ourselves off, we let our wounds heal, and then we look again to the sky. We dare.”
I never imagined that you struggled with being available to everyone and everything - not because I think you’re a superhuman, more that I didn’t consider that this struggle may actually be (sadly, frustratingly) common.
I know I’m one of those people that’s been lucky enough to connect with you online but not too much in real life. Still, I appreciate you and your honestly and eloquence so much. Thank you for saying this publicly, I definitely needed to hear it! - Val
You are one of the people with whom I’ve developed a real connection and mutual respect. Thank you for reading. I’ll see you very soon in St Martin…IN PERSON!
I spent much of my life living this exact same way: "I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, shut any doors, because I wanted people to want me; I needed them to want me."
A wise person once said, “The world is not filled with assholes, but they are so evenly distributed that you will run into at least one a day.” I don’t have access to you, but you are valuable to me. Keep going.
Different yet similar, when I switched programs and no longer worked in a locked down environment I specifically did not install teams or email on my personal phone. No you will not have access to me outside of my working hours. In case of an emergency there are a few who can get a hold of me and would only do so if something was actually on fire and couldn't wait a day. They respect my time and I respect theirs.
It's so hard to remember this on the other side. I have a few messages out to folks looking for updates and I'm anxiously checking for responses. But I'm also sitting on my hands and not sending out more messages. They don't owe me an immediate response.
NO EMAIL ON PERSONAL PHONE?! This is truly revolutionary. That’s going to be my next step. Thank you for reading and I look forward to seeing you soon!
You're getting out of social not a moment too soon. Things and people feel like they're getting weirder. And you've got a lot to do. A lot of art to make. And good life to live.
As I'm typing this to you, I'm supposed to be working on posts to schedule for my day on a reader advent calendar in a Facebook group Saturday. I accepted because I thought it would be fun.
I started writing them and then came up with a post that flowed together but felt like a big damn overshare. It vibes like the essays I wrote for Sanctuary, but on a Facebook group with almost 2,000 members I barely know? Let alone to post on Facebook, private group or not.
Now I'm wondering if I'm trading a piece of my heart just to sell a book or two to mostly strangers. I can't help but think that the time I've spent writing my posts for that day would've been better spent writing my second book instead of spilling my guts for clicks and Likes.
Please do get to work on the next book, because I have just received your mystery novel Fatal Image as a gift, and will be taking it with me to the beach next week.
Aw, thanks! She told me she was going to gift you a copy.
Just in case it doesn't turn out to be your cup of tea ... it happens ... please flip to the Acknowledgements. I gave a shoutout to you and Salon, and I wished I'd mentioned Sanctuary, too.
Some of the passages I rewrote in 2020-1 wouldn't have gone so deep without all that Shadow work we did.
"I will not publicize every moment of this precious and fleeting life for tiny hearts on a screen."
A tendency I've nestled too comfortably in that I need to outgrow in 2025 and beyond. The virtual space feels like an extension of my consciousness, as it is also an extension of the collective consciousneess ... I guess this is now teetering into the danger zone of not being able to discern the digital world from reality. Thank you for putting into words what I've been feeling.
Access denied. Good! We give people who are only people in the most liberal sense of the word easier access to our lives than Google does to my account. Password, two-factor verification, or blocked. Access denied.
I noticed you hadn’t shown up on my feed for ages, so I went looking for you. First thing I came across was this masterpiece. Thank you, and thank you again
"My incorrect belief that availability equals love explains why I was promiscuous as a younger woman. It’s why I let criminals and convicts fuck me on bare mattresses and truck beds. It’s why I didn’t want to “be mean” by ending a friendship with someone who was actively sabotaging my life and my business. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings even though she hurt my whole life. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, shut any doors, because I wanted people to want me; I needed them to want me."
I absolutely could have written this. And it's like, my 40s have been about unlearning this with a ferocity that's swung the pendulum so far in the other direction I turned hermit. While the solitude has been necessary, it's also kind of become harmful in its own way. I am slowly emerging, slowly seeking to rebuild connection in new and healthy ways...and quite frankly that shit's terrifying. It's harder to learn healthy connection later in life, especially when we're innundated with the complete opposite. But I'm also no longer available for everyone and I'm only showing my full heart and soul to the people who truly matter.
I could not agree more. That is why I turned my comments off my substack page and am not on social media. If people care enough, they can message me or email me. Some do, some don't like what I write and that is fine. However, any ad hominem bullshit, like the effete NYC writer who called me a "Putin stooge" gets you black balled. If I ever see him again, I will tell him, to his face, just how little I think of him. For better for worse, when I talk shit about people, I prefer to do it to their face. My very prolific friend and author of many novels, Taylor Brown, put it best when asked about his book Wingwalkers, To Brown, Wingwalkers was not just a book about death-defying feats of courage and love, it is also about writing and “what it’s like to write such stories, daring to put one’s heart high on wings for all to see. Oh, to fly into the world of story and imagination, soaring among great cathedrals of cloud, and then to return to the ground—a heartbreak every time. A seeming fall from grace. But we get up, don’t we? We brush ourselves off, we let our wounds heal, and then we look again to the sky. We dare.”
One hell of a quote right there. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your attention today.
Some criticize, we fuckin dare
I never imagined that you struggled with being available to everyone and everything - not because I think you’re a superhuman, more that I didn’t consider that this struggle may actually be (sadly, frustratingly) common.
I know I’m one of those people that’s been lucky enough to connect with you online but not too much in real life. Still, I appreciate you and your honestly and eloquence so much. Thank you for saying this publicly, I definitely needed to hear it! - Val
You are one of the people with whom I’ve developed a real connection and mutual respect. Thank you for reading. I’ll see you very soon in St Martin…IN PERSON!
I spent much of my life living this exact same way: "I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, shut any doors, because I wanted people to want me; I needed them to want me."
Thank you, Lindsay.
Thank you for reading.
A wise person once said, “The world is not filled with assholes, but they are so evenly distributed that you will run into at least one a day.” I don’t have access to you, but you are valuable to me. Keep going.
This is a great quote! 😂 Thank you for reading.
Different yet similar, when I switched programs and no longer worked in a locked down environment I specifically did not install teams or email on my personal phone. No you will not have access to me outside of my working hours. In case of an emergency there are a few who can get a hold of me and would only do so if something was actually on fire and couldn't wait a day. They respect my time and I respect theirs.
It's so hard to remember this on the other side. I have a few messages out to folks looking for updates and I'm anxiously checking for responses. But I'm also sitting on my hands and not sending out more messages. They don't owe me an immediate response.
Regain your peace Lux!
NO EMAIL ON PERSONAL PHONE?! This is truly revolutionary. That’s going to be my next step. Thank you for reading and I look forward to seeing you soon!
Well...no work email. I still have my personal account. I'm not that off grid.
Can't wait for the next adventure
You're getting out of social not a moment too soon. Things and people feel like they're getting weirder. And you've got a lot to do. A lot of art to make. And good life to live.
As I'm typing this to you, I'm supposed to be working on posts to schedule for my day on a reader advent calendar in a Facebook group Saturday. I accepted because I thought it would be fun.
I started writing them and then came up with a post that flowed together but felt like a big damn overshare. It vibes like the essays I wrote for Sanctuary, but on a Facebook group with almost 2,000 members I barely know? Let alone to post on Facebook, private group or not.
Now I'm wondering if I'm trading a piece of my heart just to sell a book or two to mostly strangers. I can't help but think that the time I've spent writing my posts for that day would've been better spent writing my second book instead of spilling my guts for clicks and Likes.
You're way ahead of me.
Please do get to work on the next book, because I have just received your mystery novel Fatal Image as a gift, and will be taking it with me to the beach next week.
Aw, thanks! She told me she was going to gift you a copy.
Just in case it doesn't turn out to be your cup of tea ... it happens ... please flip to the Acknowledgements. I gave a shoutout to you and Salon, and I wished I'd mentioned Sanctuary, too.
Some of the passages I rewrote in 2020-1 wouldn't have gone so deep without all that Shadow work we did.
“I made myself a commodity to consume on the internet. I made myself a good woman by being eternally open, a forever yes.”
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
YA FEEL ME?!? Thank you for reading.
Powerful message Lindsay!
Thank you for reading, Dave.
Here here!! 👏
Thank you for reading. 💕
You have the best titles. 🫶
Thank you so much! I put a lot of thought into them!
F to the Yeah.
"I will not publicize every moment of this precious and fleeting life for tiny hearts on a screen."
A tendency I've nestled too comfortably in that I need to outgrow in 2025 and beyond. The virtual space feels like an extension of my consciousness, as it is also an extension of the collective consciousneess ... I guess this is now teetering into the danger zone of not being able to discern the digital world from reality. Thank you for putting into words what I've been feeling.
Access denied. Good! We give people who are only people in the most liberal sense of the word easier access to our lives than Google does to my account. Password, two-factor verification, or blocked. Access denied.
I noticed you hadn’t shown up on my feed for ages, so I went looking for you. First thing I came across was this masterpiece. Thank you, and thank you again
Thank you for looking for me.
Fuck yeah. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you for reading.
The way that I felt this is my fucking SOUL...
"My incorrect belief that availability equals love explains why I was promiscuous as a younger woman. It’s why I let criminals and convicts fuck me on bare mattresses and truck beds. It’s why I didn’t want to “be mean” by ending a friendship with someone who was actively sabotaging my life and my business. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings even though she hurt my whole life. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, shut any doors, because I wanted people to want me; I needed them to want me."
I absolutely could have written this. And it's like, my 40s have been about unlearning this with a ferocity that's swung the pendulum so far in the other direction I turned hermit. While the solitude has been necessary, it's also kind of become harmful in its own way. I am slowly emerging, slowly seeking to rebuild connection in new and healthy ways...and quite frankly that shit's terrifying. It's harder to learn healthy connection later in life, especially when we're innundated with the complete opposite. But I'm also no longer available for everyone and I'm only showing my full heart and soul to the people who truly matter.